Posts tagged The Drunk Forty-Something-Year-Old Woman
For those of you that have met me in person, you know that I am a shy person and generally considered an introvert. </sarcasm>
Cruise ships are a great place to have random conversations, meet people and partake in one of my favorite past times: people watching. Here are my observations regarding the types of people you can expect to run into on a cruise.
1. The Other Couple
If you’re a couple without kids then you invariably gravitate to other couples in similar circumstances. This rule doesn’t only apply to cruises, but to vacations in general. Our “other couple” we met were Shannon and Nicole. Starting from the left on the photo above they are (respectively) the first two people seated playing bingo with us. Shannon is a guy (since the name works for both genders) and it was the similarity in names that prompted the conversation when we met them during our sub adventure in the Bahamas.
The sub adventure will be detailed in tomorrow’s post.
Proving that “Other Couples” tend to follow the same entertainment pattern, we would run into each other on the cruise: walking around the island, going to bingo, during meals, etc. Eventually, it is best to just give up and keep contact with one another in order to plan meals and whatnot as a group (which we did.) I’ve since heard from Shannon via email and Nicole via Facebook proving that making friends from around the world (they are from Utah) can be fun. YAY INTERNET!
2. The Jersey Shore
Sorry, but I didn’t manage to get photos of these guys. There were four men on the cruise that appeared to be regular followers of the Church of GTL. We first came upon them during dinner on Friday night when they had the table next to us. They were loud, but not rude which (to me) means they were just really damn entertaining. The irony? While they fit the bill of the Jersey Shore stereotype (build, tan, accents,etc.) they were actually from Miami, Florida.
The next night when I was wandering the ship watching people (Shannon was passed out on Dramamine) I passed them near the buffet at the aft end of the boat. Well – almost all of them. Three of the group were at a table with three ladies they met on the cruise. I can only assume that were trying to see if these fair damsels were DTF, and I think it is safe to assume that they had a fourth friend who was DTF since one of the crew was missing.
I watched and eavesdropped for a bit that night. The highlight was one of the girls deciding to go back to her room which resulted in one of the guys offer to walk her back. She insisted that she was fine going on her own. He kept insisting that she shouldn’t walk alone. It was comical and I’m sorry to say that I didn’t stay long enough to report what happened in the end.
3. The Almost Naked Lost Woman
(Sorry. No photos of this one.)
The night I went people watching, while Shannon snoozed doped up on Dramamine, I ran into a colorful cast of characters on the cruise ship. This character’s color was blue.
I was walking up the stairs on my way to the on board casino when I came upon a woman walking half a flight ahead of me in a short blue dress. From my angle below her, it was evident that she was wearing nothing else. This woman proceeded to stop on the same floor and, interestingly enough, began walking toward the casino where I was heading. It was fascinated to see her wander looking aimlessly everywhere giving the impression that (shocker!) drugs may have been involved.
Upon arrival at the casino, I stopped at a slot machine and she kept going. You would think this is the end of the story, but then she wouldn’t make much of a character in the post now would she? The woman passed my me again in the casino about five minutes later walking in the opposite direction.
Then again five minutes later.
After the fifth half naked walk by, I finally decided to amuse myself and ask her if she was lost. She seemed normal enough and I couldn’t smell alcohol on her breath. She replied, politely and seemingly soberly, “Nope. Thank you.”
I went back to the slot machine. She went back to walking back and forth… eight more times in forty minutes.
She could have very well been a ghost since no one else seemed to notice her. In reality, though, she was probably just a stoned thirty something with an aversion to bras and panties.
4. The Drunk Forty-Something-Year-Old Woman
This particular character led me to an interesting observation about the social groups on my boat – but I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s tell the tale of the very friendly lady I met on the boat.
After leaving the casino, I walked over to the elevator to find my way to my room. As the doors to the lift closed, an intoxicated woman with a VERY large drink stumbled dashed into the elevator with me. Seeing me seemed to make her eyes widen with excitement.
I was scared.
“Hello,” I replied.
“Do you know where Dazzles is? The night club? I want to go. I want to go dancing there.”
I could see that this might be entertaining in the worst possible way, so I replied, “No. I don’t. Let’s look at the map.” We stepped outside the elevator and I pointed out that dance club was on the sixth deck. Pointing it out, though, was most likely useless since the amount of booze in her system probably just made it look like a colorful blob on the wall.
She was downright giddy at the prospect of going to what was, according to her, going to be an awesome time. We stepped into the elevator and we got off on deck six.
“This way!” she muttered trying to lead me towards the loud thumping music.
“I’m going to get some air. You go on ahead.”
I walked back inside and headed down to Dazzles night club (which was a bar in the boat with a ten by ten dance floor.) There I made an interesting social observation. Here it is:
- The “hot girl” to “hot guy” ratio on a cruise ship is significantly skewed. Plenty of eye candy for the ladies to look at; very little for the men to look at. In short: lots of built good looking males were on the ship.
- As the night goes on, the pool of people for potential hookups gets smaller and smaller. It’s a cruise ship, which means that the population is a fixed number for the duration of the trip barring anyone jumping overboard.
- The later the night got, the drunker the hot guys would get, and (by default) the hornier. With a limited number of partners to choose from, though, their standards would get lower and lower.
Thus I saw the drunk woman (and others like her) dancing on a dance floor with model calibur men. They would dance for a few minutes, consider their options and move on to another dance partner. As the night pressed on and availability of the opposite sex waned, the partners would start sticking together.
The moral of the story (and my social observation) is this: if you’re a woman who doesn’t normally score the “hot guy” and you’ve always wanted that chance, cruise ships are for you.
5. The Bachelorette Party
Shannon and I ran into this group while sitting in the hot tub Sunday during the cruise. They we nice enough women with a LOT of cleavage and a proclivity to talk without needing to stop for breaths. The ship’s captain walked by while we were all in the hot tub and (of course!) the girls from the party knew him by name since he was a “hot guy.” They waved to get his attention and he stopped for a few moments to ask if they were having a good time.
I can only guess that bachelorette parties (we’re sure there were a few on board) made sense on a cruise ship based on my observations in “The Drunk Forty-Something-Year-Old Woman” story. Ladies: take note.
6. The Real (Angry) Housewife of New Jersey
This was another fun five minutes spent people watching at night. A couple were sitting outside near the buffet at the aft of the ship and… yes. I spent a lot of time at the buffet at the aft of the ship. Go ahead an judge.
Back to the story: the woman and her husband were sitting there late at night and I couldn’t help but overhear what she was saying. In fact, anyone within fifty feat of them would be hard pressed NOT to hear what she was saying. She spoke to a man who appeared all but broken to me. He was hunched over the table. In one hand he had a credit card and the other held a drink. He held his focus on the table, not staring at anything in particular; just obviously NOT staring at her.
In a thick New Jersey accent, she proceeded to tell him how embarrassing it was that when she went out when the other couples/their friends on the boat that hers was the only spouse that didn’t come along. The one sided conversation contained a lot of “obvious you don’t love me” statements peppered with the “it’s so fuckin’ annoying” comments.
He said nothing.
She kept talking: Even if he didn’t want to go to the events/parties he still should; did he not want to spend time with her and why not; her friends were always asking where he was; etc.
He still said nothing.
The kicker is this: from the words and questions asked that I’ve described you might assume that this was a woman in tears pleading with her husband. Nope. She was yelling. Not crying/yelling – yelling. As in lecturing a little kid yelling. She was, in short, angry. The lecture’s source didn’t seem to be frustration from the lack of love, but (in fact) the amount of embarrassment she was being forced to endure.
Oh, New Jersey.
Baltimore is the nickname I gave to three black women we met during the sub adventure. They don’t really fit into any particular story or stereotype on the boat… I just wanted to make mention of them because they were a lot of fun. On the last night of the cruise (Sunday) two of them ditched the third during bingo so I found her in the room and insisted she sit with Shannon, myself and the Other Couple. She’s the one on the far right of the photo in this post.
I’m sure I’m leaving out some other great stories, but one thing is for sure: if you like people watching, you’ll love going on a cruise.