It seems that there is a lot of hoopla in my close circle of friends regarding one of their friends that I stopped actively keeping a relationship with a while ago.
The individual in question isn’t a bad person per se, but she has never (in my opinion) fully understood the value of true friendship because she has never been a true friend to anyone. She would claim to be able to see both sides of every argument and navigate clear of any conflict by never aligning herself to anything. She is a person who would want to be friends with everyone but lived safely on the fence of each and every disagreement, thus never learning the value of supporting others and (in return) never experiencing the return from that value.
Have you ever watched the movie (or play) 1776?
Mr. Secretary, New York abstains, courteously – Lewis Morris
That pretty much nails it.
Like I said, the person I’m citing in this ambiguous blog post isn’t really a bad person. She’s always been kind (as far as I know) and she used to be an amazingly creative human being when I regularly interacted with her.
One day, a few years back, she caught a slight case of pregnancy. I had already severed my ties to her at that point, but my household (via Mrs. Croom) made investments in the usual gifts when the baby was born. I’ve met the child twice: once at a birthday party and once at a wedding. Both times, the baby seemed happy and loved which is the most you can wish for in that sort of circumstance.
And life went on.
Friends of mine kept connections with the friend that I opted to “step away from” for these past few years. Occasionally I would get a phone call citing “Oh, God, did you hear what so-and-so posted on her Facebook” and I would reply with the same answer:
“Nope. She’s not on my Facebook so I don’t have to involve myself in these things.”
Then I would listen to the latest story of actions taken and justified (over the years) as being “adult” and (my personal favorite) “for the baby.”
I’d shrug and point out that there is a reason I had stepped away from a relationship with that person, close the conversation, and move on with my day.
Now, it seems, this person is getting married to the father of her child. Word has it that she has made some decisions regarding the structure of the wedding that (not surprisingly) are ruffling the feathers of our mutual friends.
I still just grin as I hear these things and shrug in amusement. Then I reiterate my lack of surprise.
The “hoopla” in beginning of this post is in regards to statements made recently about being an adult and having to make adult decisions presumably instead of doing non-grown up minded things like playing dress up at conventions and watching cartoons.
I hear this sentiment from people from time to time and realize that the folks who feel the need to point these things out are usually trying to justify to their own existences to themselves.
People like that are generic.
I don’t want to be generic. Steven Spielberg never grew up and he has kids. John Lasseter has children, makes adult decisions, and still plays with toys. Dozens of actors, artists, singers, and writers each and every day continue to live their lives in the modern world make “adult” decisions and still never growing up.
They all refuse to be generic.
- I still collect and play with toys.
- I play video games.
- I like dressing up in goofy outfits and costumes.
- I watch cartoons.
- I still think that going to theme parks and riding rides is an adventure.
- Did I mention that I still play with toys?
I love life.
You know what, though? I have managed to somehow do some strangely “adult” things along the way: I bought and own my own home (without ANY financial support of parents or family.) I own a cool car. My wife owns the car she wanted (read: the one she desired, not the one she would “settle for.”) I have been to the top of the Empire State Building and the bottom of the Grand Canyon.
NONE of the above accomplishments were done “for the baby.”
ALL of them were done as an adult.
And YES: I still play with toys.
I have other friends: married, single, with kids, without kids, gay, straight, black, white, high school drop outs, and college PhDs.
They’re all adults, too, and they still play dress up with me.
So good luck, ma’am (and everyone like you.) Stay generic. Live a happy life.
Just don’t judge the rest of us who are enjoying adulthood without sacrificing our childlike fervor for living.